Flashback (part 2)

I was very anxious to see the boys because I couldn't quite remember what they looked like. I had had such a brief glimpse and I needed to see them again. I had Clay take lots of pictures while I was in the recovery room so I could see their tiny little faces. The nurses finally let me go to the NICU about 5 hours after the birth. We first had to scrub in at the sink for 3 minutes. We would have to do this every time we left the NICU and returned. Our hospital bands were checked and Clay led me back to our boys' isolettes.

I saw Reid first. This tiny little 2 lb. 1 oz. doll hooked up to wires and monitors, he almost looked fake. He had probes attached to his skin to monitor his heart and respiratory rate, his body temperature and one attached to his foot to monitor his oxygen level and breathing. These were all attached to alarms which would sound when they would reach a certain level. He was also hooked up to an IV because they were still too young and weak to digest food. He started out with a nasal cannula to deliver supplemental oxygen.

As scared as I was to see all this connected to my baby I was overjoyed to see my little boy alive and for the most part okay. He did not have to be intubated nor did he have any brain bleeds. Already major accomplishments for such premature babies. As I touched my hand to the glass I cried. But not because they were hooked up to countless wires or because I knew we would spend months here with many ups and downs but because they were finally here and they were mine. I knew some day I would get to hold them close to me, take them home, love them, and have the family we had been dreaming of.

I had the same flood of emotions when I saw Grant. How lucky was I to get to experience motherhood for the first time with two children?  Grant had his older brother beat by an ounce in weight and an inch in length but he looked just as fragile and helpless. Let the count down begin I thought. We were ready to be there for them however long it took to bring them home. And that's how our 10 week stay in the NICU started. We learned to take joy in the little accomplishments and push through set backs with faith that it wouldn't be like this forever.

They were first fed by a gavage tube  They would be fed 5ml of milk through their nose or mouth and after an hour the nurses would check for residual milk in their stomach. It was heart breaking when they would find 4 ml residual. But of course their stomachs learned to digest the milk and by the end they were drinking 80 ml (about 2 oz.) from a bottle.

They each had to take a turn being hooked up to the CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure). Reid wore his the longest for about two weeks. Grant was off of it after 4 days. They received phototherapy for jaundice. The little sunglasses helped protect their eyes during this treatment. They did this for about four days.

Many premature babies have problems with apnea where they stop breathing for a moment or two. Their biggest challenge was overcoming this and remembering to take deep enough breaths all the time to supply their lungs with the necessary amount of oxygen. Hearing all the alarms go off when they didn't was the scariest thing for us.  This mostly happened when we held them so it was especially frustrating.  We could only hold them for a limited amount of time and when most of that time was spent trying to get them to breath we would leave sad and emotionally drained.

First time getting to hold the boys. They were 6 days old and I was allowed only 15 min. with each once a day. One of the hardest things to get use to was that babies that premature don't do well with the rocking or stroking their skin. It didn't feel natural to sit their without rocking them or trying to comfort them when they got upset. Sadly in the beginning the easiest thing for them was just to be put back in their isolette until they were more stable.

They stayed in separate beds for about 7 weeks. When they reached 4 lbs. and were able to maintain their body temperature with only blankets and one layer of clothing they were put in an open air bed together. They slept well next to each other. I took comfort in the fact that when we weren't there for them they at least had each other.                               

First picture with no wires or tubes. They finally learned how to breath on their own and we got to see what they looked like (Reid above, Grant below).

And now our tiny little guys are not so tiny any more. They've grown like crazy the six months they've been home and we're so happy to have them!