Flashback (part 1)

The company I use to work for was always a big supporter of the March of Dimes. We raised money and participated in the city walk, and even held a mini walk at our school.  It was always a fun event but I never really thought about how premature birth would change the experience of having a child or how much it affects the lives of so many families. This Saturday we will be walking in the march for babies to celebrate our boys. We feel incredibly grateful that our little guys survived their experience and have been asked to share their story.

Friday July 31st we had enjoyed a nice meal with our friends the Harmans and were about to enjoy a movie at their house. My water broke  in their bathroom and I started bleeding. I called the doctor and was told to come to the hospital immediately. We went home and changed and I told Clay to bring a book because we might be there awhile. I wasn't in any pain and I didn't think things were too serious.  That changed when the doctors started talking about prepping a room for surgery and calling in specialist. Baby A's water had broken and I was losing a lot of blood. Everyone was moving around so fast and talking about so many things, checking me, checking the babies, and I kept thinking I'm 26 weeks there is no way I can have these babies tonight.  They sent in a neonatolotist to discuss the survival rate and what we could expect if our children were born at 26 weeks.  They had an 80 percent chance of survival.  What that really meant was staying alive.  There were few guarantees about having a good quality of life.  They were at high risk for severe brain bleeds, mental retardation, and many other complications.  They would have to stay in the NICU until their due date three months away, maybe longer.  I have never been so scared in my life.  I felt so helpless and all I could do was pray they could find a way  to keep them inside me.  

I was given my first steroid shot to help the babies' lungs develop. More tests were run and after another ultrasound the doctor decided Reid had enough amniotic fluid to keep him safe. My blood work looked okay so it was decided we would hold off on the C-section for the night. There was a 75 percent chance they would be born within a week but the doctor had hopes that with bed rest I might be able to keep them in longer. 

We spent the night calling family and wondering what was going to happen. I've never had a sleepless night like that one. We had waited for these babies for seven years and I couldn't think about anything happening to them. The next day I was able to get my last steroid shot which was good news for the babies' lungs. The boys were constantly monitored and I couldn't move for fear they would not be able to pick up the heart beats. I'm grateful for all the friends that visited during that time and tried to keep our minds off the scary reality. We lasted four days like that. Me in bed not moving, being checked every 30 minutes while Clay went to work, visited for lunch, then back for the night after work.

On Tuesday evening I started having contractions I couldn't feel them at first but the nurses told me I was having them every few minutes. They got progressively stronger and closer together. Around 2:00 am the doctor came in and said it was time. They were certain the contractions weren't going to stop, I was still losing blood, and the babies were coming whether I was ready or not. I had made it to 27 weeks and prayed that little time would be enough to help my babies survive. They left the room to prep things and I called to Clay to wake-up. Filled with worry, doubt, and more fear than I have ever felt I remember saying "They're coming now!"  Clay changed for the operation and they wheeled me off around 2:30 am. I remember being very cold, shaking a lot, and not sure of what was going on. It was very fast from the moment they laid me on the table to when I heard that first cry.

    Baby "A" - Reid Alexander                       
















Baby "B" - Grant Benjamin
















They had the tiniest cry I've ever heard. If you weren't paying attention you would have missed it. But I heard it and it filled me with unexplainable joy. It was the best feeling to hear them as soft and weak as they were. I actually had children and they were, for the moment, okay. The nurses brought each one over for a quick look. I couldn't believe how small they were. These tiny little dolls looked so helpless being taken too early from what was suppose to be their home for three more months.  They were immediately taken away to the NICU while Clay followed after them.

I seemed to do well during the first few hours of recovery. The nurses seemed very impressed by the control I had over my legs and body as I walked to my new bed.  They wondered if I was feeling any pain. I was. Those first few hours were pretty intense but out weighing that pain was my overwhelming desire to see my babies.